Alfred took his rightful place atop The Girl’s tummy. The Girl didn’t really understand what had just happened, but she thought that it looked fun, and she wanted to give it a try.
The Mother was horrified as she watched The Girl lay the smack down onto poor li’l Alfred. All of the attachment parenting books she had read had warned against this, against subjecting children to violence. It is in our television shows, in our movies, in our video games, and now, it is in our bedrooms, executed by our stuffed animals. The Mother had tried so hard to do everything right, and it had all unraveled in thirty minutes worth of throwing a pair of gloves across the room at a stuffed moose. She looked at the trio and smiled, “I guess this makes me soggy Grape Nuts, eh?”
Author’s Note: The “soggy grapenuts” is in reference to a quiz I once saw that scaled how crunchy of a parent one was. Let me see if I can find it. http://themoralesfamily.us/granola.htm <– There ya go. (It appears I’m only whole-grain crunch. Derp.)
I AM A BAD PARENT.