Since The Father was gone for The Girl’s first Halloween, The Mother didn’t feel too inspired to do anything special. While she was still pregnant, she bought a Pikachu hat for The Girl and had a yellow onesie to go along with it for the hokey holiday. Within seconds of being all snapped up in that onesie, however, The Girl pooped all over it, and thusly became Pinkachu.
The first true snowfall of the year came fast and hard on October 30th. The Girl had never seen snow before. She was clearly filled with wonderment at the sight.
Six months, ah, what an age. It’s half a year, you know, and, it’s also when it becomes totally tubular to stop breastfeeding. Everyone knows, and you should, too, that the hands-down best nutrition for a baby is only good for the first six months of their lives. After that, all of that milky goodness goes sour. The shop shuts down, the baby’s body stops accepting all of the nutrients in the breastmilk, all at once.
… Except that’s not true at all. Back when The Girl was just a little baby, many people sadly believed this due to formula companies’ advertising schemes and gimmicks. The Mother, and Alfred, can only hope that the world has opened its eyes by the time The Girl has her own babies.
Right before her six month anniversary, The Girl started her transformation into an entirely new baby.
About 10 days before The Girl turned six months old, The Father had a two month long class to attend in a far away land known as Georgia. The Mother joked that The Girl would start teething, learn how to crawl, and basically be a huge handful while he was gone.
The Mother is always right, especially when it comes to things she does not want to be right about. Within days of The Father’s departure, not only did The Girl start popping two tiny little bottom teeth, but she also started attempting to crawl, one small knee step at a time.
The Girl had, at this point, gone two and a half months without a transfusion. Her hemaglobin and hematocrit were low, but her behavior didn’t indicate such. It seemed to The Mother that the little baby who slept all of the time due to lack of energy from her blood disorder was a baby of the past, and The Mother was just fine with this.
Of all of her recent changes, perhaps the most stunning was The Girl’s foray into fashionable eye wear.
Try as he might, Alfred couldn’t get a mustache to grow. His clothy arms couldn’t reach to his face, and even the fake stick-on mustache kept falling off.
“Maybe you should hide in plain sight. You know, blend in with the scenery,” Mr. Bear offered.
“Uh…” Mr. Bear gaped.
“What? I’m dinner!” Alfred said, jovially.
“You know that The Mother has actually eaten an octopus before, right?” The Girl questioned.
“A whole octopus?” Alfred was shocked.
“A whole octopus,” The Girl answered, casually. “In Okinawa, she had it all the time. Says it’s mooshy. Are you mooshy, Alfred?”
Mustache, oh Mustache
You rest above my lips
Trimmed and perfect with curly tips
Mustache, oh Mustache
In the Fall, when the skies are gray and the leaves turn brown
It’s you mustache that saves me from a frown
In the Summer, when the heat burns all day
You shade my chin from the sun’s intense rays
In the Winter, when the snowflakes fall
It’s you mustache that keeps me warm most of all
And in the Spring, when the flowers start to bloom
It’s you that guides me to their sweet perfume
The Mother was furious. In a tempestuous move, she yanked her dress off of Alfred and stormed upstairs. “When I come back down, you had better be gone,” she yelled.
Alfred didn’t know where to go, nor did he know what to do with himself, now that he wasn’t watching over The Girl.
Time passed, and Alfred grew lonely. It had been forever since he last saw The Girl. He checked the clock. It had been 10 minutes. Stealthily, he snuck back inside. Immediately, he began looking for a place to hide himself, but The Mother ALWAYS kept the house SO clean that he found it a challenge.
Alfred hid inside some shoes.
Alfred hid behind a chair.
Alfred hid under the couch.
Alfred made his way upstairs.
Alfred climbed up into a drawer.
Alfred hid in some underwear.
When he was certain the coast was clear, Alfred made his way to The Girl’s nursery. He waited patiently for her to show up, and when she did, he called a meeting. This meeting consisted of only three members: Himself, The Girl, and Mr. Bear. Mr. Bear was invited for his cunning, sharp-as-a-tack mind.
“We’ve got to figure out a way to make The Mother invite me back in,” Alfred started.
“Good luck,” snorted Mr. Bear, “I gave her the stank eye in a picture she took of The Girl and I, and I haven’t been in a picture since.”
“I have an idea,” The Girl said.
“We will get you a mustache.”